Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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