Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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