Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
