Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
