I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
