What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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