as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
