3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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