What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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