hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
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