wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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