If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
