hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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