I wannas sexs uuuuu
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You ruined the universe
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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