I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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