before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
