You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
