Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
