He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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