I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Randomize
