just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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