I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
