Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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