I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
