Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
