True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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