dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
