P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
