So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
