yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
