I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
