Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
