So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
