I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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