I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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