youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
