Umm I'm too high to move.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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