you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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