you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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