we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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