I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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