found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
