Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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