If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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