there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
