Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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