I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
