I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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