My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
