i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
