Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
