Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
