so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
