I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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