Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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