He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
