I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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