Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
