We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
