Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
