my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
