He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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