then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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