"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
