I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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