ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there is puke in my bra ... again
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