is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
