Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
