I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
