I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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