batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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