Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize