hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I am puke
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
