How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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