I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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