so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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