Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
