You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
